My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
