hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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