don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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