My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
