I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
