I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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