I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
