How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
