I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
