Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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