totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
