All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
