oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
