He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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