You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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