Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you had me at cake vodka
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
