I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
