Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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