Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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