nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
