and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
