Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
