Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize