i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
