Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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