We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
