im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
