i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
