The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have tasted many bathrooms
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
