who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
