Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
