Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
