Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
