So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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