I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
