Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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