Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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