And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I understand Curling. That high.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
