Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
