I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
