Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
