scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My penis needs a shock collar
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
