i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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