i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
