your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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