He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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