Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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