I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
