It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
