Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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