i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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