they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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