At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
