drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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