when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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