how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
