Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
