you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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