Who did Billy Mays play for?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Found the puke drawer
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
