uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
